Blasphemy!!!

Today's post is aimed at my followers, so all you Western infidels out there can go do something else for a while- I hear there's NASCAR on this afternoon, or probably Britney Spears has done something outrageous in the last 12 hours you need to go read about.

Now that they're gone, my fellow Muslims, we've gotta talk. I see you are all lathered up over some Danish newspapers re-publishing those cartoons of me. I've got a few things to say about that. First of all- LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP! They're cartoons, for crying out loud. Do you really think that's the worst insult to Islam going on these days? What about people loading bomb packs on retarded girls and sending them out to blow themselves up in Iraqi markets?

Here's the thing- the Koran says nothing about not illustrating me. Some of the most beautiful pieces of Islamic art bear my likeness. The Koran, reaching back to the Old Testament of the Jews, forbids Idolatry. Some of my clerics, not trusting any of you to be able to have any sort of common sense, have wrongly used that to proscribe images of me. They call these images blasphemy. These are the same people who put our women in full body-veils because they don't trust grown Islamic men to be able to control their libidos any better than your average American 13-year old boy at a Playboy Bunny party. Which of those is really blasphemy? Think about it.

OK, back to the cartoons-





Nothing wrong that I can see with these- they're really quite flatering. I especially like the humor in the last one, depicting my halo (a Christian symbol) as our own crescent. That's quite clever. And I only wish I was still that thin...


These next ones are not as flattering, but then again, have you seen the cartoons the Western infidels publish about their own Bush and Cheney??




Yeah, that last one upset you all quite a bit, and I agree, it's pretty outrageous. I mean, who would ever use such an image?


Personally, I think this one is making fun of Western infidels who think we all look alike-


And this one is obviously making fun of the Danish newspapers themselves-


This one, I'm afraid, is making fun of you, and your tendency to over-react to little things-

But think about it. Remember how Osama bin Laden got the Infidel Americans to defeat themselves, and destroy their own freedoms and Constitution after 9-11, by using that moron Bush's over-reaction against his own country? Well, I have to say, you guys all are a bit like that too.

Centuries ago, Islamic culture was the envy of the world. Our art and literature flowered. Then the hard-line clerics took over, afraid everyone was having too much fun, and that you could not be trusted to act as responsible adults. The Western infidels have that problem with their clerics too- that doesn't make it right.

So take a deep breath, all of you. You are acting like a bunch of spoiled 5-year olds. Get a grip on yourselves. Nobody is insulting my good name but you, when you march in the streets insisting on death for everyone who disagrees with you. The Islam I gave you is a beautiful religion and culture, but boy have you guys fucked it up recently. So grow up.

I remain, truly yours,

Your Prophet