Who-Tube???

I see that my followers in Pakistan have blocked access to You-Tube to everyone because it contains some videos insulting to Islam. Well, that's true enough. There are certainly a bunch of lovely young women over there wearing a lot less clothing than you'd see on a street these days in Teheran, or Riyahd, or Kabul, or Baghdad. Jessica Alba, for instance, has distinctly unIslamic qualities-

I have been keeping close track of this problem myself, and viewing hundreds and hundreds of videos to determine which ones are unIslamic, and then rating them on a scale of 1-10...

But enough about my hobbies. The Pakistani government has proposed a work-around to the young people of Pakistan who want their You-Tube back- write You-Tube and have them ban all unIslamic videos.

So once again according to my followers, it's "my way or the highway". You either have to be with "us" 100% or we will protest and gnash our teeth and call you evil.

Come to think of it, my followers have a lot in common with the Christian Fundamentalist Right of the Western nations.

And their mindset also sounds a lot like Ralph Nader.

That's all the time I have today. I have to continue my "reseach" on You-Tube.

Blasphemy!!!

Today's post is aimed at my followers, so all you Western infidels out there can go do something else for a while- I hear there's NASCAR on this afternoon, or probably Britney Spears has done something outrageous in the last 12 hours you need to go read about.

Now that they're gone, my fellow Muslims, we've gotta talk. I see you are all lathered up over some Danish newspapers re-publishing those cartoons of me. I've got a few things to say about that. First of all- LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP! They're cartoons, for crying out loud. Do you really think that's the worst insult to Islam going on these days? What about people loading bomb packs on retarded girls and sending them out to blow themselves up in Iraqi markets?

Here's the thing- the Koran says nothing about not illustrating me. Some of the most beautiful pieces of Islamic art bear my likeness. The Koran, reaching back to the Old Testament of the Jews, forbids Idolatry. Some of my clerics, not trusting any of you to be able to have any sort of common sense, have wrongly used that to proscribe images of me. They call these images blasphemy. These are the same people who put our women in full body-veils because they don't trust grown Islamic men to be able to control their libidos any better than your average American 13-year old boy at a Playboy Bunny party. Which of those is really blasphemy? Think about it.

OK, back to the cartoons-





Nothing wrong that I can see with these- they're really quite flatering. I especially like the humor in the last one, depicting my halo (a Christian symbol) as our own crescent. That's quite clever. And I only wish I was still that thin...


These next ones are not as flattering, but then again, have you seen the cartoons the Western infidels publish about their own Bush and Cheney??




Yeah, that last one upset you all quite a bit, and I agree, it's pretty outrageous. I mean, who would ever use such an image?


Personally, I think this one is making fun of Western infidels who think we all look alike-


And this one is obviously making fun of the Danish newspapers themselves-


This one, I'm afraid, is making fun of you, and your tendency to over-react to little things-

But think about it. Remember how Osama bin Laden got the Infidel Americans to defeat themselves, and destroy their own freedoms and Constitution after 9-11, by using that moron Bush's over-reaction against his own country? Well, I have to say, you guys all are a bit like that too.

Centuries ago, Islamic culture was the envy of the world. Our art and literature flowered. Then the hard-line clerics took over, afraid everyone was having too much fun, and that you could not be trusted to act as responsible adults. The Western infidels have that problem with their clerics too- that doesn't make it right.

So take a deep breath, all of you. You are acting like a bunch of spoiled 5-year olds. Get a grip on yourselves. Nobody is insulting my good name but you, when you march in the streets insisting on death for everyone who disagrees with you. The Islam I gave you is a beautiful religion and culture, but boy have you guys fucked it up recently. So grow up.

I remain, truly yours,

Your Prophet

First Thing, Kill all the Cartoonists!

Danish police have arrested three men who were plotting to kill one of the Danish cartoonists who drew those pictures of me a few years ago. This particular cartoonist was Kurt Westergaard, who in September 2005 drew a cartoon of Muhammad wearing a bomb in his turban. I always liked that cartoon actually. It made me look macho.

But of course Freedom of Speech and Expression is a complete insult to Islam.

I guess.

Isn't it?

Take That, Cupid!!

My loyal followers in Saudi Arabia have taken an affirmative step against Western Decadence today by banning Valentine's Day as UnIslamic.

"The Saudi Gazette quoted shop workers as saying that officials had warned them to remove all red items including flowers and wrapping paper. Black market prices for roses were already rising, the paper said.

Saudi authorities consider Valentine's Day, along with a host of other annual celebrations, as un-Islamic. In addition to the prohibition on celebrating non-Islamic festivals, the authorities consider Valentine's Day as encouraging relations between men and women outside wedlock - punishable by law in the conservative kingdom."

Yes indeed, ban those holidays celebrating love and peace. Can't have any of that crap in the Holy Islamic Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

Striking a Blow for Repression-

My good followers in Turkey have struck a blow against the evil Westernization of women by bringing headscarves back to University. Some of my followers tell the press that this is simply a matter of religious "freedom", but we all know that my modern followers care as much about "freedom" of religion as they do about what to bring to Passover dinner. It will be a short step from allowing headscarves for women at Turkish universities to demanding them, which will be good for Turkish Society because it will put women back on the road to serfdom.

Why is this a good thing, you Western infidels may ask? Well I'll tell you- I don't know.

To be truthful, I have nothing against women, and Islamic countries historically gave women much more freedom many centuries ago, when our civilization was in full flower. But if today my followers want to turn women into dogs, then I guess they have to be allowed to. Freedom's just another word for everything left to lose, eh? What I find most puzzling is that Islamic women seem to embrace it- imagine if you will American African-American college students going to class with lynchers' nooses around their necks because they demanded the right to do so. Weird, huh?

But my followers say this is what I want, so I won't argue with them. I don't dare. Besides, as the devout Islamic woman pictured here shows, headscarves can be hot.

Get with the Program!

The Western Media Whores are reporting that my followers are demanding that Wikipedia remove some offensive images of me from their entry on me. These are not just any offensive images- they are antique Islamic images, and even though some of the most beautiful images in Islamic art are of me, obviously my followers cannot allow Western Infidels to get away with posting them. So 100,000 of my followers have signed a petition to get them removed to prove that Wikipedia respects Islam as a religion of faith and tolerance and love- and if they do not, my followers will kill them all and they will all rot in the flames of Hell for Eternity.

So get with the program, Western Infidels!